Tuesday, June 8, 2010

June 10

It's no secret that I have been quietly counting down til June 10, just as i do every year. My mother died on June 10, 1986 when I was 5 years old. Bayley will be 5 years old in November, although i know in reality the two events are not predestined to be linked I still have these nights when I beg God not to take me from my baby the way he took my mommy from me 24 years ago. I pray everyday and night that my baby can live a long and happy life and one that includes her mother. The loss of my mother was the most traumatic experience of my life, then followed immediately by the departure of my father. If anything were to happen to me, now or ever, I only hope that my friends will not allow her be shuffled around and treated like a burden. For she was never any burden to me. The only right thing to do if something happened would be for her father to settle down and provide her a good home and education where she could be a part of a family. That's what i was thinking as i was sitting on the edge of her bed watching her sleep.
My greatest prayer for my baby girl is that she never has to wake up in the middle of the night with no momma to hold like i did. I know this may sound a little morbid but tomorrow is the day and all our ages just seem to match up, so i could not let this go on and not address the issue. Just in case I want to say that I love my sweet baby girl more than life itself and hopefully I will be able to be there for her throughout her life, in a way my mother could not be for me.

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